Tonight should unnerve me, but it does not. Tomorrow the doctors will do another cardiac ablation - no big deal, been there once - done that been there. Yet, clearly, always there is a risk. I think my "no fear" attitude is so tied to my one and only strength - I have God's grace, so life or death is only a win win situation for me. If I survive, I get to continue enjoying my new family and friends, people I never thought could want me or be there for me. But God found these people for me, brought me to them, even when I hid around corners - it was His will, and how lovely and humbled the experience. If something happens and I don't make it - I get to be in the loving arms of my Savior. And there, yes, I will be so warm and waiting for my friends. So, no, I have no fear. But even so, there does exist a sadness. If something goes wrong, I do know my friends will be sad...wish they would not, but certainly a consequence of human relationships. I hope they all know, if something happens, that I have loved them all and have no regrets, except not being able to handle their loss. But as I learned with Kerryl and Jose, sorrow subsides (a heavenly gift) and life goes on, new friendships made. As long as they never doubt my love and the simple gifts I offered, they they really were the best of me.