Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Life makes me crazy - I do not know why. Outwardly, I have a great life, I guess. But, inwardly, many times I suffer. I am totmented with how to care for my sister - I never expected to have to be a care provider - thought I'd finally have a sister to goof with, but it is not going to work out that way. I thought my medication would erase all inner depressions, but guess that is not working out that way either. I have demands I want and demands I don't, but my inability to say no, to the ones I don't are depressing me. I love doing all I do with the church, and I love dearly the friends I have there, and on the computer. However, others impose upon my good nature, knowing that saying no is an issue with me. This woman on my cicrle has a mother 91. She has figured out that I am ggod with elderly. She asked me a while back if I would become a companion and aid to her mother and I said that I did not think so, as I had a full plate already. Over time she has been pressing me. She tells me her mother met me "just" once, but fell in love with me and will only have me. I said I need to think. The other day, she said, when are you going with me to learn what my mother needs? I said, "oh, I'm tired tonight and just can not think about it." Now, I am going to discuss things with her mother in the morning. Lord have mercy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She Daughter wants to go to Florida for 10 weeks and needs someone to take care of mom. No one cares about me...arg. I must be brain stupid, as at 9:30 tomorrow morning, if I don't get call into sub, I will be sitting down with this woman, whose name I don't even know, and planning out a care provider schedule. They leave October 15th. Would not be so bad, but my sister is coming to live the end of October, and I think I need a rest somewhere here, or maybe I am just lazy and making lame excuses. I don't know. Tonight I am going to my sister's house who needs me, as her husband is dying. My brain feels swamped, but then, maybe that is what life is about - certainly Jesus swamped his mind for the good of others...
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2 comments:
Sounds like a daughter needs to be taking care of her own period. You have a load on your own plate as do many and should not add to it just because someone else can't do the right thing. Don't be so hard on yourself, you take care of you and your own and always have...and that's the best you can do. And do not be pushed into a situation that could ultimately cost you much more that you don't have any business being involved in. ~Huggles, here when you need to talk.
Not being able to say no is such a hard thing. But sometimes it is in the no's that we take care of ourselves.
Jesus did indeed open his heart to others, but he also knew when it was time to take care of himself...like in the boat in the middle of a huge storm or on the mountaintop praying. There is nothing wrong with taking the time to fill yourself up...especially when you will be giving so much of yourself so soon.
And don't forget...you have friends here that want to take some of the load off of you (mentally and physically)...
Peace be with you!
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